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Nov. 8th, 2011 | 01:55 am

Things I want in a Life Partner in no particular order, because everything listed is really important:

-non alcoholic
-non violent
-fitness aware
-likes children
-financially responsible
-able to enjoy food but not go overboard more often than not
(able to make healthy food choices including portion control)
-respectful communication
-kinky sex
-crafty, creative
-socially active
-honest
-enjoys costuming
-Burner
-animal lover
-green
-adventurous
-willing and happy to share cleaning responsibility
-mostly monogamous
-non drug or computer game addict

Funny though, I've come to the conclusion that it's not so bad being alone...I have so many friends, which is a true blessing, but I don't feel like I NEED any one person to be my partner...prolly there would be lonely times like Valentine's Day? Or holidays when my kids are not home...but in general, if I can't have a Life Partner that has these qualities, I honestly don't want one.

I MUST keep reminding myself that, at the very, very least, I know for a fact that I deserve basic respectful communication and non violence...the rest may be more based on desire, but still pretty important to me.

Sure I can love and accept someone for WHO they are and whatever they happen to look like, but that someone HAS to fundamentally understand that, if we are Life Partners, how they live their life also affects me...and even if that someone isn't perfect (cause really, who is?) that someone needs to at least have a certain level of self awareness and ability to strive for the positive to be a partner of mine. I want someone in my life that I have things in common with, that cares about what I care about. I have so much to give, and I would love to share my life with someone, but I also feel like, meh, so what if I don't. I'm still going to be Me: strong, happy, Loving, and so much more.

Gross.

Nov. 7th, 2011 | 10:38 am

I grow oh so weary of living with an alcoholic. I find it amusing that this alcoholic very often accuses ME of being alcoholic. It makes me laugh out loud. I enjoy a drink, sometimes I get drunk. I don't NEED alcohol, I can walk away from it and have with no issue what so ever. This is the pot calling the kettle black in the most unsettling way. It shouldn't make me laugh, but it does.

It's right up there with me being an Evil person, out to take people down. The delusional will never listen to the fact that they suffer delusions. Sometimes delusions are okay, and I think we all have them to some small degree...but the big, bad delusions are the scary ones. The ones you can't reason past. The ones that stem from the sad state of mental illness of the person making the statement.

Anyway, another alcoholic weekend. Tommy got quietly drunk at the HOTD decom. So bad he could hardly walk and thankfully I noticed this while he was still able to toddle himself to the car with help. I got him home and he spewed all over the upstairs bathroom. Gross. He left a big alcoholic mess in the kitchen which I for once did not clean up. Ironically he mentioned that he washed one of my dishes this weekend...ORLY? I wash his things and clean the counters and the floors and vacuum and pick up after him and do his laundry every week. No one mentions that though.

Tommy proceeded to sleep off his beautiful Sunday, and then begin to tie one on again. Nice.

Whatev.

I basically have a room mate and not a partner, and it's time I accepted that fact. I've been sleeping in the living room for so many months I've lost count. I live my own life, I go out on my own, pursue my own activities, have my own friends...and, funny thing is, I'm fine with it.

I keep hoping Tommy will recover, regain some of his life, get healthier - yes, CHANGE. Doubt it's gonna happen. It's probably time to give up now. I'm still not there yet...but closer.

Funny thing I noticed...he told his daughter he loved her this weekend and she did not say it back.

Anyways...

Lovely.

Oct. 29th, 2011 | 01:38 am
location: US, California, Santa Clara, San Jose, Stokes St, 1825

This evening Tommy misnamed Stockard Channing in the group singalong shot at the end of the movie Sgt. Pepper yadda yadda. I said it was Carol Channing, and mistakenly mentioned, when he asked what she was famous for, Lamb Chop. Noting that, among other things, Stockard Channing was famous for Rizzo in Grease.

In fact, that other performer, the Lamb Chop woman, had a sweet, nice voice now that I think of it...As Tommy was trying to recall what had catapulted Carol Channing to fame, I interjected that she was famous for sounding weird.

This is in part very true. There are numerous references on the web to her strange voice.

She is apparently most famous for Hello Dolly. I myself remember her mostly for wide eyes, a gaping mouth and a weird, sometimes babyish voice. As the web indicates, you can distinctly pick her out in cartoon voice overs due to her peculiar voice.

Tommy, drunk, was flustered that (?) I don't know, near as I can tell, that I commented while he was trying to think. I'm not really certain what set him off, as is often the case. He accused me of "you just want to derail the conversation." Um, no, I was just making an observation as to what I think this particular actress's trade mark is. To me it was nothing more than a comment during a conversation we were having with each other. Nothing that should be at all out of the ordinary.

He went on to call me a jerk and raise his voice while employing a condescending tone. I asked him not to assign motives to me that I don't have (like I "want to derail the conversation") and not to call me a jerk, please.

He asked me to quote back what he'd said to me, which I did: "you just want to derail the conversation..." he said, "NO! Fail!!" He then went on to pontificate that I just need to learn to accept criticism and be quiet while he educates me on a subject.

Uh?? Stating that I'm out to do something that has not even crossed my mind and calling me a jerk (in front of Nico) let alone the unpleasant tone is not what I would deem anything I need to accept.

The comment I made about Carol's voice had no bad intentions on my part, no malice, no wish for things to sour. Maybe for Tommy it was somehow an ill timed interjection as he struggled through his drunken thought processes?? Maybe that's what sparked his anger??

The overall impression of the conversation that I'm left with is that, once again, Tommy gets agitated out of the blue and assigns malevolence to me that never even existed. Then he goes on to insult me, speak down to me and use a completely unfriendly manner of speaking AT me.

Lovely. (not)

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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The more things change, the more they stay the same...

Oct. 18th, 2011 | 10:17 am

Finding myself at odds with my Love Life again...okay, that sucks. Where to draw the lines? When to compromise and when to throw in the towel...been pondering this stuff way too hard for way too long now. I'm starting to get kind of apathetic about it all. Sometimes that scares me, and sometimes it just sends me further into Love Life Apathy. Sort of a Catch 22.

Finding myself at odds with something else too: my weight! Ouch. I'm not sure if it's age, inertia, or just plain old damn I love to eat...but I'm at the point where I am, once again, telling myself enough is enough and I need to get back to feeling healthier. I really like my body, and have for a long time now, but not when I'm experiencing this slow, big toe half asleep, slogging through my days, when can I lay on the couch again feeling.
-Back to the gym TODAY at 1pm!! :) Maybe I can finally get serious about exercise again after this almost 7 year hiatus. After all, I really do love to exercise. Time has been the major factor while Nico has been little...but, if I don't take care of Me, I can't be there for anyone else. My choices affect my loved ones and those around me.

I need a job. Need a job. Job, need a job. Time to start looking with a bit more fervor. I guess I can be done waiting for some awesome job to fall out of the sky and into my lap. I was really hoping someone that knew me and had use of my many people oriented, organizational, and communication skills would point their finger and say, "YOU!! Come and work here!" At this point, I'm highly motivated to find something, or I can't pay my rent and will be homeless. Can't let that happen with three kids and a dog. No way.

I love/hate the place where I live. It's a good space, but it's so effing run down it's embarrassing. The paint peeling off the walls, the dust embedded in the popcorn ceiling. The clutter that does not belong to me and I have almost no hope of getting rid of. The hideously old carpet underfoot, and oh the couches!!! I want to paint, rip out the old carpet, hang new light fixtures, for gawd's sake maybe even get new toilet seats!!! Jeez. And then get back to my project of sprucing up the pit that is the backyard. It's an area with so much potential. A blank slate. The whole place is, really, but it's going to take major effort to modernize even just a little, not to mention at least some small amount of money. I hope to someday again live where I don't cry before having guests over because I'm so ashamed of what my home looks like. It bothers me deeply, and has for quite some time now. This place is not an expression of creativity, or love, or a family, or any sort of individuality...it's just JUNK. Well, at least for now it's affordable and I can have the dog here. That means a lot.

ANYways...one bright spot, Nico is at the K level in 1st grade, which is sad, but he is really super trying hard. Good for him. Poor guy. I keep thinking he has something going on that is more than just "I don't get it"...something organic, genetic, I'm not sure. I will just keep on keeping on dealing with his individual personality quirks til I figure it out. His teacher says he is articulate, tries hard, is loving, caring and kind. What more could I ask for? The reading will come, one day it will start to really click and he'll get better at it. I have lots of faith in his abilities.

Okay, that is TheKathyReport for now. I write this mainly so I can go back and compare, or maybe feel better if I get some of these things dealt with and see a little progress in my life. I'm ready for something to change.

We are all a work of art in progress as we live our lives, me no less than anyone else.

(no subject)

Dec. 27th, 2008 | 06:22 pm

I'm sorry. I have to announce....I've found Facebook. Could you get one please, and add me?? Yes, this means YOU.



:)

Burning Man, part next!

Sep. 10th, 2008 | 10:59 pm
mood: sleepy sleepy

So, after we crawled through the entrance gate and had the honor of ringing the bell together, we found ourselves inside almost blind as bats...At least in the line to get in we had a path for the Mom Beast to follow. Once we got inside the city we couldn't see a thing or which way to go at first because the dust storm was still raging full force. It was very slow going and even kinda scary, my eyes were playing tricks on me and I was really worried about running someone over or bashing into someone else's car. We'd come all that way and through so much that I didn't want to start out our Burn with some type of vehicular accident.

The first thing we did was inch along til we sawr some porta potties and we stopped. I limped up to them almost doubled over in pain I had to pee so badly!!! My teeth were floating, as my Mom would say! After that we got back to crawling along trying to find our camp. We had to stay right exactly on the tail of the car in front of us for a good long ways otherwise we just couldn't see a thing. Creeping along was an understatement!

We finally made it out to Silicon Village and were able to locate our pod. There were happy cheers as we rolled up, considering we were somewhat later than originally expected. I got down from the Mom Beast and I gave a big hearty hug to both ctuck and venusrising and just then who should pull up on the trike from an ice run but Tripod! guitarsenal I let out a squeal of delight and ran over to tackle him with a hug. After all, it had been one whole year since I'd seen him!

After that we were shown where to park our car. The dust storm was still kicking up something fierce and we didn't end up getting the Yurt built until close to nightfall. I was sort of frazzled and I can't even recall what we did all the hours before that really?! I know there was some drinking going on for sure...but where and how much is sorta fuzzy at this point.

I do remember marveling over how much of Silicon Village had NOT been built yet and hearing tales of more Blysse and Cowboy drama. We were told the dust storms on the weekend before we arrived had made it next to impossible to erect most structures.


In the evening when it was mostly settled down in terms of weather, Tommy and Tripod and another buddy Bagel began to construct the Yurt. I helped a little, as much as I could. Tommy, wielding a utility knife that was way too extended after he'd had too much to drink cut his thumb pretty badly. It bled alot...thanfully Tripod was there to take care of it after I'd gotten towels and first aid junk - I was feeling woozy. We all wanted Tommy to go to the first aid and maybe get stitches, but he wouldn't hear of it! Oiy...

The Yurt finally got done, sort of by winging parts of it from what I could observe. It looked nice, except for the blood splashed onto part of one side, I cleaned that off next day. The tall door worked out well and Tommy had put some nice artwork that he'd made on the outside, eyes of Horus. We started moving things into it and I got the bed settled down and a few things situated. Tommy brought in a chair. Gravity Mike and Tripod hung out for a while and G. Mike said our Yurt should be in "Better Homes on the Playa"! Ya, that was the most organized the Yurt ever was for the rest of the trip!!

I need to work on that whole minimizing thing...I was much better this year and I did wear just about every single thing I brought out. But more organization would have been better for sure! Same for Tommy and his stuff... I'll be pondering how to combat a disorganized mess for 2009.

G.M. and Tripod stayed around for a while and Mike was cracking me up acting like a super hero and goofing around with more of Tommy's art work - a pyramid with an eye in it. Eventually Tommy passed out on the chair - literally. Mike went to his camper to go to sleep, and Tripod and Andy (another camp mate that had come to BRC with Tripod this year!) and I all went out to the Black Rock Diner and had a grilled cheese. We were pleased to find comfortable seats and pretty girls. I most especially liked the one that was only wearing boots, boy cut panties and a rhinestone on each nipple. Nice! We sawr her later again in the week and I got to talk to her.

BR Diner is only open from midnight til 3am and it was getting pretty late so we headed home and all off to bed. I found Tommy in the Yurt, still in the chair, still passed out, but now with beer spilled all over. He stayed that was the rest of the nite. I fell fast asleep on the futon looking forward to a new day!

-end of Monday-
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(no subject)

Jun. 20th, 2008 | 10:37 am
mood: awake awake

The following is "Jimmyrighted":

Be kind and understanding to each other. Be patient. If you are Christian, develop your fruits of the spirit. Don’t now what they are? Many don’t, read about it and work on it. Work on your virtues. But be careful because most often, God gives you what you ask for.

If you are not Christian, focus on your contribution to the world, the community and those less fortunate than you. If it does nothing else for your psyche, you can honestly feel the good come back to you when you do something right for someone else. Even if its hold the door for someone and smile. It spreads and makes [life] a little easier to deal with in the end.

(no subject)

May. 24th, 2008 | 02:49 pm

mesh bag for drying dishes
compostable forks (where to buy?)
milk crates
pre-Playa pedicure


:)
Tommy, Tommy, what to dress Tommy in:
skirts, scarves, PJs, lingerie, tights, gloves, kimono, swim trunks, short sleeved button down shirts, tshirts, socks-socks-socks, boots, sandals, fun hats
-Tommy wardrobe projex:
coat project
-the Tommy needs a better/weirder sun hat project
-Flamingo outfit project (ideas: white or pink bathrobe, bright pink shirt, pj bottoms, and The Hat)
-Alien Suit (?) (ideas: bubble wrap? mesh? EL wire? UV glow gel for hair)







well then...

Apr. 20th, 2008 | 09:52 pm


What philosophy do you follow? (v1.03)
created with QuizFarm.com
You scored as Existentialism

Your life is guided by the concept of Existentialism: You choose the meaning and purpose of your life.

“Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does.”
“It is up to you to give [life] a meaning.”
--Jean-Paul Sartre

“It is man's natural sickness to believe that he possesses the Truth.”
--Blaise Pascal

More info at Arocoun's Wikipedia User Page...

Existentialism

90%

Hedonism

85%

Utilitarianism

80%

Kantianism

40%

Justice (Fairness)

20%

Apathy

5%

Strong Egoism

0%

Nihilism

0%

Divine Command

0%

(no subject)

Jan. 26th, 2008 | 07:16 pm
mood: happy happy

OH ya, I know I'm happy now!!! I ate a giant breakfast...we made eggs, rice, turkey sausage and an attempt at waffles, but we needed spray oil...then me and Mace went out to the bank and stopped in a local antique store downtown just on a whim. We spent like an hour and a half exploring. Didn't really buy much, just a plastic/rubberey tiger to add to our wild animal collection...but we had the best time!

Later we went out again to the segunda (second hand store) where I picked up a small beigey colored old wingback chair. Its not too thread bare, and it's pretty solid. The seat cushion even has a zip off cover. I wanted something less petite, but for $15.00, it was a deal! I later found out that anything bigger wouldn't have fit through the door in my room anyways.

I'ma invest in some funky craft fur and glue it all over...not that the chair needs it, it'd be great just the way it is...but it was so cheap, even if I mess it up I didn't really lose much of anything. I'm pretty excited about this project...it calls for a trip to SF to the discount fabric store Helen Scott turned me on to. (and the gigantic Segunda next door to it!)

I also got that basic black sweater I've always wanted, no more trying to steal Kim's, and a funny grey Tshirt that says Jesus is my Homeboy. I think I will embellish it for Burning Man, if we have the "Zombie Christ Lounge". That was the intent anyways when I spent the $2.99 on it! My first BM investment of this year!

Got back, cleaned up the front room of the house with my housemates...it looks pretty good! Starting to look like people live here, not just a pile of chaos! Also I played Rock Band for the first time. I was singing and it was totally fun?

Ate a big bowl of Xtina soup from yesterday with Heff, then me and Mace made peanut butter and banana sandwiches and devoured them with milk. I'm also snacking on freeze dried unsweetened unsulfured pineapple from Trader Joe's. Yes!! I EAT when I'm pleased and content!

I am just so happy. I never thought this day would come!